A Stiff Neck February 12, 2011

With a stiff little neck
Feeling cramped and alone
The time has come
To leave the safe zone.

What was needed to protect
Is eventually outgrown
Becoming a barrier
To a full life of her own.

With no hesitation
Not full of fears
With no crippling words
Filling her ears.

The baby bird,
Far beyond me,
Breaks through the shell
To fly and be free.

It’s okay she takes a rest
All along the way
That tough exterior
Wasn’t built in a day.

And once she’s out
She’s an ugly mess
Vulnerable and weak
And all out of breath.

But there’s the nest
Made with love and care
To hold her gently
As long as she’s there.

Gathering strength and courage
Being fed bits of food
She realizes soon
There’s more than this, too.

Trembling slightly
Up on the edge
She leaps with faith
Toward what’s up ahead.

Never wondering or worrying
What will happen if she does
The beautiful bird soars
Filled with joy, all abuzz.

Profound and magical
What can be
When we embrace God’s gifts
Wholeheartedly.

Room to Grow June 28, 2010

My biggest holes
I’ve come to see
in the mirror of relationship
between you and me.

And I’m beginning to love
those empty places
No longer wanting others
to fill in the spaces.

Those yawning gaps
of varying degrees
Give me room to grow
to become more me.

The fear of knowing
my deepest self
Replaced with love and truth
the whole of spiritual health.

My apologies, forgiveness
gratitude and love
Pour forth from my soul
on the wings of a dove.

So I’ll think of you always
with a thankful heart
and all the special blessings
that were here from the start.

Giant Water Bug May 15, 2010

Like a giant water bug
out of slow moving water
Finding my way
a long lost daughter.

I feel the pull
of the stars, sun and moon
Following them
I should be home soon.

With celestial navigation
I know right where I am
I head for the sky
fear be damned.

Is there a better pond
where still waters aren’t so deep?
So still I can’t see
the truths that I keep.

Might I also find
the perfect mate
with whom vibrant life
I can create?

Beacons of light
to orient my flight
Exhilarating to escape
stagnant waters at night.

I fly and fly
with all my might
A little disoriented
but sure this is right.

Not knowing my sights
are actually set
On an ordinary street lamp
false aide to abet.

Around and around I spiral
toward the artificial light
Much too close
and much too bright.

Exhausted I fall
from a life of aimless flying
After all that effort
I can’t believe I’m dying.

Where did I go wrong?
What’s really true?
Was the seeking a mistake?
Or the path that I flew?

If by some miracle
I happen to survive
Should I return to my pond?
Or give it another try?

Can I trust my knowing
of what is love and truth?
Or will more brightly lit paths
lead me away from You?

I Was There For You April 20, 2010

One afternoon
Weary and rue
Not quite sick
with not quite the flu
A call came in
quite out of the blue
A miracle
I was there for you.

The sweetest sentiments
I long wished to hear
Sailed a beam of light
from your mouth to my ears.
Forever to be held
in my heart, my dear.

You said I want you to know
that I’ll always be here.
Your smallest worries
I pray to clear.
I wanted to be with you
all these years.

And my spirit was as happy
as a child of three
Giggling and laughing
perched upon your knee.
Face full of joy
as you hold onto me.

Past the lump in my throat
And the tears that I’ve cried
The truth wrenched free
from the silencing lies.
Taking a leap
I let it fly.

I’m so glad
I said it, too.
These words I’ve held
so long for you
Enter my life.
I love you.

Sweet Falsities April 19, 2010

Mouth full of rotting teeth
hidden from my mind
way in the back
and along the gum line.

Black and grey
the rotten decay
alongside fillings
from yesterday.

With such care
I thought I’d been cleaning
Protecting myself
from seductive leanings.

With sweet falsities
have I been cheating?
Or weak teeth
have done the eating?

A Pan Full of Light April 5, 2010

Sifting through the sands of time
Panhandling for golden moments
Really? This is it?
A few shinning nuggets among the sediments?

But maybe if I let go
of my preconceived notions
Of what is gold
and what is just commotion
Or lumps of coal
from life’s misfortunes.

Might there be
with a touch of the Stone
The richest riches
man has ever known?

The depths within me
and without
Would unite together
banishing doubt.

With new eyes opened
I could wash away the silt
And see a Heaven on earth
that surely can be built.

Words of wisdom
fused with love
Might delight my soul
and move my body as a dove.

And in the final battle
If all went right
I’d see God everywhere
And my pan full of Light.

A Puzzle April 2, 2010

A puzzle your words
they are to me.
Often the same
yet still a mystery.

I’ve picked into colorful pieces
all of our conversations
spending hours with jagged bits
lost in ruminations.

And the big pictures
I’m apt to miss
if I continue to focus
on the fragments like this.

So I spread them on the table
under good light
I bend in concentration
and work to fit them right.

I always start with the frame
but this puzzle has no boundaries
I can’t neatly box it in
With straight edges, smooth and soundly.

There is no lid
to show what I’m trying to make
With so many possibilities
my head begins to ache.

Just tell me what you mean
It’s too hard to make it fit
I’ve studied all night
And I’m ready to quit.

With infinite patience
and kindness to spare
You lay it all out for me
Tidy and square.

Of course, I don’t like the picture
Which is why I couldn’t see
the truths I’m not ready
to have set me free.

One piece at a time
I pull it apart
Arguing each point
I know by heart.

Though now that I’ve viewed it
I can’t erase the scene
I feel change happening slowly
deep inside of me.

The Onion April 1, 2010

Long, long ago
While lost in my garden
A bit of white showed
Where the earth had hardened.

I picked at the dirt
And was surprised to find
An onion had grown there
Apparently mine.

Peeling the onion
Made me cry and hurt
So I buried it again
And ran from the earth.

But life follows a path
That seems to spiral and wind
And it leads me back to the garden
To my onion to find.

Many times when I’ve been there
I have felt so strong
And I’ve dug and I’ve peeled
Until I was sure it was gone.

But my garden must be perfect
For that onion to grow
Because every time I return there
It’s back in the hole.

And there’s the innermost layer
That always I see
The part I set aside
And just let it be.

What would happen
If I went down that path
And peeled apart the heart
Of that onion at last?

I think I just might die
Or at least that’s my fear
Maybe that keeps my onion
In my garden, near and dear.

Without the onion,
Who would I be?
My whole life out of whack
Or finally free?

The truth I don’t think
I ever will know
It sounds so impossible
To just make it go.

As much as it hurts
The prick, burn, and tears
I have held this onion
For all these years.

I’ll keep peeling the layers
A little at a time
But the heart of the onion
Wants to always be mine.

Bubbles March 9, 2010

My mind plays tricks on me
Taking clues from my heart
Breathing life into my hopes and dreams
Carefully wrapped shimmering works of art
Laughing merrily
Until it all falls apart.

Wide-eyes gazing upon the wonders
Miracles float and dance before me
Drawing close despite so many blunders
Deepest yearning for it truly to be.

No longer able to maintain poise
Squealing in delight and leaping for joy
Body now moving of its own accord
Hands unbidden gently touch, then greedily hoard.

Dizzily spinning every which way
Catching the ones within my reach
Pop, pop, pop and a fragrant spray
Too fragile, too fragile! Too late I preach.

I can’t have it, no matter what
Either it bursts or floats high above
With a shove and a kick another door slams shut
My mind hugs my heart, so sorry my love.

Then suddenly the truth in me dawns
It was an illusion all along.

Mirror of Regret February 27, 2010

Permanent residence
in the Land of Regret
a life of misery
sure to be led.
I get it, I get it
the uselessness
of living to regret it.

Binge thinking
does serious damage
same as drinking
round after round
why I said what I said
or did what I did.

But
(always there’s a but with me)
Deep reflection often is clearer
When I can see
through the mirror
of regret.

Give me a minute
before with cliches
you tell me to quit it.

I want to embrace the despair
before being cut off
you think it’s guilty pleasure
the tears and the sobs
but it’s how I connect
with pain I’ve caused.

Don’t rush me
to forgive
and to forget
my every mistake,
every misstep.

I know the past
is done and gone
but there are lessons
to learn
and bring along.

I can feel regret
without becoming a wreck
I can reflect on the past
and chart a new path
while being present
here for every second.

Can’t I?