The Sweetest Spot July 5, 2010

Found the sweetest spot
with my man
Sheltered by dune grass
in the cool night sand.

Blissfully alone
though people all around
A stolen moment
we gratefully found.

The stars shining bright
reflect the twinkle in his eye
And I remember I love him
with a long, lovely sigh.

All the way home
a light glows in his face
It matches the one
that fills my heart’s space
And I pray God forever leads us
back to this place.

The sweetest spot
in the cool night sand
sheltered by dune grass
With my man.

Room to Grow June 28, 2010

My biggest holes
I’ve come to see
in the mirror of relationship
between you and me.

And I’m beginning to love
those empty places
No longer wanting others
to fill in the spaces.

Those yawning gaps
of varying degrees
Give me room to grow
to become more me.

The fear of knowing
my deepest self
Replaced with love and truth
the whole of spiritual health.

My apologies, forgiveness
gratitude and love
Pour forth from my soul
on the wings of a dove.

So I’ll think of you always
with a thankful heart
and all the special blessings
that were here from the start.

Bubbles March 9, 2010

My mind plays tricks on me
Taking clues from my heart
Breathing life into my hopes and dreams
Carefully wrapped shimmering works of art
Laughing merrily
Until it all falls apart.

Wide-eyes gazing upon the wonders
Miracles float and dance before me
Drawing close despite so many blunders
Deepest yearning for it truly to be.

No longer able to maintain poise
Squealing in delight and leaping for joy
Body now moving of its own accord
Hands unbidden gently touch, then greedily hoard.

Dizzily spinning every which way
Catching the ones within my reach
Pop, pop, pop and a fragrant spray
Too fragile, too fragile! Too late I preach.

I can’t have it, no matter what
Either it bursts or floats high above
With a shove and a kick another door slams shut
My mind hugs my heart, so sorry my love.

Then suddenly the truth in me dawns
It was an illusion all along.

Mirror of Regret February 27, 2010

Permanent residence
in the Land of Regret
a life of misery
sure to be led.
I get it, I get it
the uselessness
of living to regret it.

Binge thinking
does serious damage
same as drinking
round after round
why I said what I said
or did what I did.

But
(always there’s a but with me)
Deep reflection often is clearer
When I can see
through the mirror
of regret.

Give me a minute
before with cliches
you tell me to quit it.

I want to embrace the despair
before being cut off
you think it’s guilty pleasure
the tears and the sobs
but it’s how I connect
with pain I’ve caused.

Don’t rush me
to forgive
and to forget
my every mistake,
every misstep.

I know the past
is done and gone
but there are lessons
to learn
and bring along.

I can feel regret
without becoming a wreck
I can reflect on the past
and chart a new path
while being present
here for every second.

Can’t I?

When the Cards Stopped Coming February 11, 2010

I remember
When the cards stopped coming
And people no longer asked
How are you doing
With care and concern
Behind gentle eyes running

Everyone was already
Moving on
But I’m still reeling
I can’t believe you’re gone.

Like with new life
I counted the days
Then weeks and months
Now years pass away

No less painful
Just held at bay.
Afraid to let myself go there
Sure my strength will fray.

Alone I’ll be left
Wrapped snuggly in sorrow
No shoulders to cry on
Or carefree tomorrows.

Because everyone else
Has already moved on
But I’m still feeling
I can’t believe you’re gone.

I hear all the words
Spoken and not
Meant to console
But missing the spot.

No longer in pain
Not really gone
Memories to comfort
Life goes on.

With guilt and shame
I pretend its okay
In my dreams I’ll see you
Each night I pray.

This Fort January 13, 2010

We built this fort
with all the
energy and optimism
of youthful sport.

A solid foundation
well-laid out
Precise execution
absent of doubt.

It would be the best
there’s ever been!

But we grew tired
And the cold crept in.

Numb and weary
we ditched the plan
Throwing on the layers
as fast as we can.

Certain we’ll
go back later
To fill in the gaps
and empty craters.

On we went
with the rest of our lives
Leaving the fort
on it’s own to survive.

And though we thought
all remained the same
It seems somehow
so much had changed

Imperceptibly,
a little at a time,
It twisted and fell
into yours and mine.

Now here I stand
in the dark, alone
A bit of a stranger
in this place called home.

Clearly I see
that solid foundation
But the mess on top
pricks my eyes with frustration.

I wrestle with the demons
Which ones tell the lie?
Best to start all over-
this can’t be built too high.
Or it’s strong and sturdy,
only slightly awry.

Either way, I pray
my faith will grow stronger
Because I can’t look
any longer
at what used to be
should be, could be
may be.

Turning away
with a silent sigh
kept inside
the tears not cried.
Even with a fort
some things still die.

I Feel God January 3, 2010

I feel God
on lazy Sunday mornings
lying with my lover
gently entwined
quiet as the snowflakes
falling from the sky.

I Wonder December 31, 2009

Eventually
could you always be
like too tight jeans
on day number three?
Moving with me
snug and comfy

Because
I sense my dreams
pressed up against the seams
straining to get through
on days one and two.

Once more
it’s day number four
time to launder
a weary chore.

Shouldn’t it be
fresh and clean
full of hope and renewal?
Depressing instead,
painfully cruel.

That sense of feeling
right at home
rinses away
in sudsy foam.

Then the struggle
to re-commit
to shrink to fit
and just admit
this is it.

A lifetime
spent
on days one, two, and four
The threes, far and few
quickly flew
before I knew.

Maybe
I wouldn’t find
a better pair
that doesn’t bind
to stretch and wear
until threadbare.

But I wonder.

Honestly December 21, 2009

Tell me.
Let it slip.
Are you honest
in this relationship?

Time to come clean.
Maybe this much you have gleaned.
Open I am not.
I withhold a lot.

Mostly what I think
you don’t want to hear.
I’m so afraid
you’ll just disappear.

Probably it’s not fair
to expect more than what I give.
Some things you won’t share.
I’m not the only one with a sieve.

I really wish I knew
what doesn’t make it through.
I worry the connection
through which I feel fed
does not hold your affection
and empties you instead.

These words from my past
gave my soul quite a blast.
And make me so certain
you want to close the curtain.

I see through your cover.
You’re such a fake.
Soon others will discover
and from you make a break.

I love you
‘cuz I have to,
but I don’t like you very much.

How am I to recover
from these injuries I clutch?

I’m hopeful love and time
Can lift away the grime.

Don’t sever the cord
or loosen the tie.
The distance between us
already makes me want to cry.

I promise to try harder
To trust and let it flow
As long as on this journey
with me you’ll always go.

You December 21, 2009

A force in my life
So powerful and strong.
Ripples of joy and strife
Ring through me as a gong.

Unclear is the purpose
And in what time or space.
The journey without, though,
I cannot face.

Affliction or blessing?
With my head it is messing.

Heart and body not exempt
With lust and romance
The hells do tempt.
Take a chance, c’mon let’s dance.
Dear God, shake me from this trance.

Sometimes from a distance I can see
What a desperate mess our lives would be.

Two alike, but not in sync
Your ebb, my flow
Together never would we go.
This much I know.
(I think)

I need a rock, solid and sure
Roots of stone hold deep and secure.
Upon which to batter,
To spray, to leap, and to scatter.

And when the storm subsides
Into its nooks and crannies I can hide.
Slowly to trickle and pool again
To be held gently, from within.

And yet,
My soul, my soul
It is sure.
The path we’re on
Is true and pure.

Sometime later to be revealed.
Maybe through this we can be healed.