The Mending is Slow July 18, 2010

Taken by surprise
All these tears left to cry.
After all this time
I don’t understand why.

A bizarre time warp
I feel all the same ways
When grief came in waves
day after day.

Two years sounds so short
or maybe long?
It really doesn’t matter.
Either way, he’s gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

I desperately wish
for one more kiss
one more hug
and an “I love you, Sis.”

I want to believe
I’ll see him again
and we’ll rush to each other
like long lost friends.

Maybe it will happen.
I don’t know.
But today my heart breaks
and the mending is slow.

I love you, Dad
and I miss you so.

Sticking With Me March 30, 2010

In bed all alone
but not by myself
Evil spirits rise up
with cunning and stealth

The dark night hauls out
memories unbidden
to hold me tight for the ride
I have too many times ridden.

Hot tears rolling cold
into my ears
what I don’t want to see
and don’t want to hear

Stupid fucking tears
cried too many times
for too many years.

Stupid fucking hurt
I’d long since thought
was tapped into dirt

But you insist
on being my friend
sticking with me
until the end.

Like deep etched lines
on hands and face
miracle cures
cannot erase
the effects of the sun
or your hot embrace.

Mantras move my mouth
Despair can’t sink its teeth in
I am not a child.
I am not a victim.

I am powerful.
I am strong.
God help me be that
as I try to move along.

Inhale Deeply December 22, 2009

True magic
The way a scent
Transports me back
To a day once spent.

Feelings flood
Up through my nose
All the way
From head to toes.

Familiar cologne on a man
Forgotten thoughts of a boy evokes
His tender kisses
And gentle strokes.

I inhale deeply
And hover there
Suspended in time
But well aware
Those days, long gone.

Almost too much
For me to bear.