Room to Grow June 28, 2010

My biggest holes
I’ve come to see
in the mirror of relationship
between you and me.

And I’m beginning to love
those empty places
No longer wanting others
to fill in the spaces.

Those yawning gaps
of varying degrees
Give me room to grow
to become more me.

The fear of knowing
my deepest self
Replaced with love and truth
the whole of spiritual health.

My apologies, forgiveness
gratitude and love
Pour forth from my soul
on the wings of a dove.

So I’ll think of you always
with a thankful heart
and all the special blessings
that were here from the start.

Mirror of Regret February 27, 2010

Permanent residence
in the Land of Regret
a life of misery
sure to be led.
I get it, I get it
the uselessness
of living to regret it.

Binge thinking
does serious damage
same as drinking
round after round
why I said what I said
or did what I did.

But
(always there’s a but with me)
Deep reflection often is clearer
When I can see
through the mirror
of regret.

Give me a minute
before with cliches
you tell me to quit it.

I want to embrace the despair
before being cut off
you think it’s guilty pleasure
the tears and the sobs
but it’s how I connect
with pain I’ve caused.

Don’t rush me
to forgive
and to forget
my every mistake,
every misstep.

I know the past
is done and gone
but there are lessons
to learn
and bring along.

I can feel regret
without becoming a wreck
I can reflect on the past
and chart a new path
while being present
here for every second.

Can’t I?

Strong Like Shakti December 21, 2009

Exhausted and weary,

I found this man.
Lost and crawling
through the hot, endless sand.

I brought him sweet water
from my well.
Grasping the bowl,
he drank his fill.

But I have more…
Aren’t you thirsty still?

The spring has sprung,
there is no top.
Rushing and gushing,
The flow I can’t stop.

At first he seemed so grateful,
wanting more and more.
At least that’s what I thought,
but now I feel like such a whore.

Needing and pleading,
have another drink.
Swallow it down
or we’re all gonna sink.

Changing my tactic;
what else might work?
There’s gotta be another way
to reach this jerk.

Smile and beguile.
Feign needing help.
Pretend I don’t care.

No rhyme or reason
to the thoughts up there.

A whole woman who needs him,
that’s what I should be.
How the hell do I do that?
It truly escapes me.

Strong like Shakti
Make sure he sees.
While far from light
I fight the disease.

Forget this noise.
I should leave with poise.

And go back to the desert,
to lie and to wait
for another desperate one
to open the gate.

Honestly December 21, 2009

Tell me.
Let it slip.
Are you honest
in this relationship?

Time to come clean.
Maybe this much you have gleaned.
Open I am not.
I withhold a lot.

Mostly what I think
you don’t want to hear.
I’m so afraid
you’ll just disappear.

Probably it’s not fair
to expect more than what I give.
Some things you won’t share.
I’m not the only one with a sieve.

I really wish I knew
what doesn’t make it through.
I worry the connection
through which I feel fed
does not hold your affection
and empties you instead.

These words from my past
gave my soul quite a blast.
And make me so certain
you want to close the curtain.

I see through your cover.
You’re such a fake.
Soon others will discover
and from you make a break.

I love you
‘cuz I have to,
but I don’t like you very much.

How am I to recover
from these injuries I clutch?

I’m hopeful love and time
Can lift away the grime.

Don’t sever the cord
or loosen the tie.
The distance between us
already makes me want to cry.

I promise to try harder
To trust and let it flow
As long as on this journey
with me you’ll always go.