Things Once Green October 10, 2011

Legs hot
Neck cold
Staring in the fire
At the secrets it holds
Released in the heat
White, orange, gold.

Pitch black
Starry sky
Fire light flashes
When I close my eyes
Punctuates the thoughts
Rolling through my mind.

Quiet night
Nature sounds
All the crickets sing
And leaves rustle ’round
Here the small, still voice
I have found.

Sweet cloves
Cinnamon stars
My mouth waters
From the taste in my heart
For the moment content
Right where we are.

October smells
Crisp and comforting
Fresh like apple cider
And sun-baked leaves
The steam of hot coffee
And things once green.

A Stiff Neck February 12, 2011

With a stiff little neck
Feeling cramped and alone
The time has come
To leave the safe zone.

What was needed to protect
Is eventually outgrown
Becoming a barrier
To a full life of her own.

With no hesitation
Not full of fears
With no crippling words
Filling her ears.

The baby bird,
Far beyond me,
Breaks through the shell
To fly and be free.

It’s okay she takes a rest
All along the way
That tough exterior
Wasn’t built in a day.

And once she’s out
She’s an ugly mess
Vulnerable and weak
And all out of breath.

But there’s the nest
Made with love and care
To hold her gently
As long as she’s there.

Gathering strength and courage
Being fed bits of food
She realizes soon
There’s more than this, too.

Trembling slightly
Up on the edge
She leaps with faith
Toward what’s up ahead.

Never wondering or worrying
What will happen if she does
The beautiful bird soars
Filled with joy, all abuzz.

Profound and magical
What can be
When we embrace God’s gifts
Wholeheartedly.

I Was Woken November 7, 2010

Strange little vibrations
Deep inside
Angels, hard at work
With me abide.

Next to my heart
A patched up mess
Eight tiny pieces
Removed from my breast.

While they flutter
What will they decide?
Make me healed?
Or let me die?

Will I pass?
if this is a test.
Is my faith rock solid
Upon which I rest?

Fourteen days
Two weeks, too weak
To stay bright
When I feel bleak.

Trying to hang on
To the hopeful notion
For a good purpose
I was woken.

Sage Advice November 7, 2010

“Be here,
be now.”
What does that mean?
Where?? How??

A difficult feat for the multi-tasker.
One thing at a time
Spells disaster.
I can do more, faster and faster.

Body moving on auto-pilot.
Mind traveling,
through time and space.
Spirit in yet another place.

Skillful escape
from the dull and mundane
Whether in, or out
of the throbbing pain.

The present moment
moves slow as molasses
Thick. Dark. Suffocating.
Oddly sweet, nauseating.

I feel discomfort
So ill when at ease.
Enough of the stillness
my left brain pleads.

“Take a moment
and breath in deep.”
Then unused muscles
ache for a week.

It hurts my chest
way up to my shoulder
Filling my stomach
with air like a boulder.

Sending up flames
where quiet fires smolder
I prefer shallow breathing
even if I feel colder.

“Don’t worry, have faith.”
Don’t worry, I’m not.
I’m just totally preoccupied
by this damn little spot.

If I cry because I’m scared
Does that mean I lack faith?
Or am I honoring my feelings?
I can’t keep it straight.

Speaking of “feelings,
not right or wrong,
they just are,”
goes the song.

Still I scramble to find my footing
I teeter and I totter
Between feeling my feelings
And smothering as they’re hotter.

Should I keep my mind right?
Hold tight to my bravado?
Is that The Secret
to a happy tomorrow?

Should I celebrate my tears?
or shove them away?
What is the answer?
Maybe I should “pray.”

Sage advice,
gently given to me
The power of prayer,
a great mystery.

And it’s a novel idea,
me talking to You.
I rarely think of it myself.
It’s crazy, but true.

How do I do it?
My thoughts a riotous mess.
And hearing the small, still voice?
An impossible quest.

But “God is,
and all is well.”
This the one thought
between me and Hell.

You’re the master Spin Master
Who can make two wrongs right.
Wrapping each darkness
with loving light.

Holding me tenderly
through the long night
Even when I struggle
with all of my might.

Into This Funk August 24, 2010

For no damn good reason
Or maybe lots
My head feels heavy
like it’s jammed with rocks.

Anxiousness
rises up in waves
One of those mornings
turns into one of those days.

What has me unsettled,
out of place?
My head in a vice?
My pulse in a race?

Into this funk
I have sunk.
Stomach sick,
full of junk.

I pray to God
Please ease my mind
Lead me back to peace
It would be most kind.

I sense His answer
loud and clear.
But it’s not exactly
what I wanted to hear.

It’s not going to be
a quick escape.
He won’t swoop me away,
wrapped in His cape.

The unruly feelings
I’ve shoved away
Expect to be acknowledged
On this very day.

The longer I decide
they shouldn’t exist,
the more deeply they’ll settle
in my body like this.

Yet His voice is warm
and reassuring
Seeking to cast out
needless fears I’m enduring.

It won’t be as scary
as I have imagined.
My feelings can’t swallow me
like a cold, dark cavern.

I can feel each feeling
to the fullest extent
Without guilt, or shame,
Or embarrassment.

And He will be with me
as I let them flow.
No feeling that comes up
could make it not so.

I laugh at my tricks
as my prayers go a new way
…Please help me to trust
in all that You say….

Successfully leading
my thoughts astray.
Distraction’s a good tactic
to keep feelings at bay.

The Sweetest Spot July 5, 2010

Found the sweetest spot
with my man
Sheltered by dune grass
in the cool night sand.

Blissfully alone
though people all around
A stolen moment
we gratefully found.

The stars shining bright
reflect the twinkle in his eye
And I remember I love him
with a long, lovely sigh.

All the way home
a light glows in his face
It matches the one
that fills my heart’s space
And I pray God forever leads us
back to this place.

The sweetest spot
in the cool night sand
sheltered by dune grass
With my man.

Room to Grow June 28, 2010

My biggest holes
I’ve come to see
in the mirror of relationship
between you and me.

And I’m beginning to love
those empty places
No longer wanting others
to fill in the spaces.

Those yawning gaps
of varying degrees
Give me room to grow
to become more me.

The fear of knowing
my deepest self
Replaced with love and truth
the whole of spiritual health.

My apologies, forgiveness
gratitude and love
Pour forth from my soul
on the wings of a dove.

So I’ll think of you always
with a thankful heart
and all the special blessings
that were here from the start.

Giant Water Bug May 15, 2010

Like a giant water bug
out of slow moving water
Finding my way
a long lost daughter.

I feel the pull
of the stars, sun and moon
Following them
I should be home soon.

With celestial navigation
I know right where I am
I head for the sky
fear be damned.

Is there a better pond
where still waters aren’t so deep?
So still I can’t see
the truths that I keep.

Might I also find
the perfect mate
with whom vibrant life
I can create?

Beacons of light
to orient my flight
Exhilarating to escape
stagnant waters at night.

I fly and fly
with all my might
A little disoriented
but sure this is right.

Not knowing my sights
are actually set
On an ordinary street lamp
false aide to abet.

Around and around I spiral
toward the artificial light
Much too close
and much too bright.

Exhausted I fall
from a life of aimless flying
After all that effort
I can’t believe I’m dying.

Where did I go wrong?
What’s really true?
Was the seeking a mistake?
Or the path that I flew?

If by some miracle
I happen to survive
Should I return to my pond?
Or give it another try?

Can I trust my knowing
of what is love and truth?
Or will more brightly lit paths
lead me away from You?

I Was There For You April 20, 2010

One afternoon
Weary and rue
Not quite sick
with not quite the flu
A call came in
quite out of the blue
A miracle
I was there for you.

The sweetest sentiments
I long wished to hear
Sailed a beam of light
from your mouth to my ears.
Forever to be held
in my heart, my dear.

You said I want you to know
that I’ll always be here.
Your smallest worries
I pray to clear.
I wanted to be with you
all these years.

And my spirit was as happy
as a child of three
Giggling and laughing
perched upon your knee.
Face full of joy
as you hold onto me.

Past the lump in my throat
And the tears that I’ve cried
The truth wrenched free
from the silencing lies.
Taking a leap
I let it fly.

I’m so glad
I said it, too.
These words I’ve held
so long for you
Enter my life.
I love you.

A Pan Full of Light April 5, 2010

Sifting through the sands of time
Panhandling for golden moments
Really? This is it?
A few shinning nuggets among the sediments?

But maybe if I let go
of my preconceived notions
Of what is gold
and what is just commotion
Or lumps of coal
from life’s misfortunes.

Might there be
with a touch of the Stone
The richest riches
man has ever known?

The depths within me
and without
Would unite together
banishing doubt.

With new eyes opened
I could wash away the silt
And see a Heaven on earth
that surely can be built.

Words of wisdom
fused with love
Might delight my soul
and move my body as a dove.

And in the final battle
If all went right
I’d see God everywhere
And my pan full of Light.