Room to Grow June 28, 2010

My biggest holes
I’ve come to see
in the mirror of relationship
between you and me.

And I’m beginning to love
those empty places
No longer wanting others
to fill in the spaces.

Those yawning gaps
of varying degrees
Give me room to grow
to become more me.

The fear of knowing
my deepest self
Replaced with love and truth
the whole of spiritual health.

My apologies, forgiveness
gratitude and love
Pour forth from my soul
on the wings of a dove.

So I’ll think of you always
with a thankful heart
and all the special blessings
that were here from the start.

I Was There For You April 20, 2010

One afternoon
Weary and rue
Not quite sick
with not quite the flu
A call came in
quite out of the blue
A miracle
I was there for you.

The sweetest sentiments
I long wished to hear
Sailed a beam of light
from your mouth to my ears.
Forever to be held
in my heart, my dear.

You said I want you to know
that I’ll always be here.
Your smallest worries
I pray to clear.
I wanted to be with you
all these years.

And my spirit was as happy
as a child of three
Giggling and laughing
perched upon your knee.
Face full of joy
as you hold onto me.

Past the lump in my throat
And the tears that I’ve cried
The truth wrenched free
from the silencing lies.
Taking a leap
I let it fly.

I’m so glad
I said it, too.
These words I’ve held
so long for you
Enter my life.
I love you.

Mirror of Regret February 27, 2010

Permanent residence
in the Land of Regret
a life of misery
sure to be led.
I get it, I get it
the uselessness
of living to regret it.

Binge thinking
does serious damage
same as drinking
round after round
why I said what I said
or did what I did.

But
(always there’s a but with me)
Deep reflection often is clearer
When I can see
through the mirror
of regret.

Give me a minute
before with cliches
you tell me to quit it.

I want to embrace the despair
before being cut off
you think it’s guilty pleasure
the tears and the sobs
but it’s how I connect
with pain I’ve caused.

Don’t rush me
to forgive
and to forget
my every mistake,
every misstep.

I know the past
is done and gone
but there are lessons
to learn
and bring along.

I can feel regret
without becoming a wreck
I can reflect on the past
and chart a new path
while being present
here for every second.

Can’t I?

I Feel God January 3, 2010

I feel God
on lazy Sunday mornings
lying with my lover
gently entwined
quiet as the snowflakes
falling from the sky.

Honestly December 21, 2009

Tell me.
Let it slip.
Are you honest
in this relationship?

Time to come clean.
Maybe this much you have gleaned.
Open I am not.
I withhold a lot.

Mostly what I think
you don’t want to hear.
I’m so afraid
you’ll just disappear.

Probably it’s not fair
to expect more than what I give.
Some things you won’t share.
I’m not the only one with a sieve.

I really wish I knew
what doesn’t make it through.
I worry the connection
through which I feel fed
does not hold your affection
and empties you instead.

These words from my past
gave my soul quite a blast.
And make me so certain
you want to close the curtain.

I see through your cover.
You’re such a fake.
Soon others will discover
and from you make a break.

I love you
‘cuz I have to,
but I don’t like you very much.

How am I to recover
from these injuries I clutch?

I’m hopeful love and time
Can lift away the grime.

Don’t sever the cord
or loosen the tie.
The distance between us
already makes me want to cry.

I promise to try harder
To trust and let it flow
As long as on this journey
with me you’ll always go.

You December 21, 2009

A force in my life
So powerful and strong.
Ripples of joy and strife
Ring through me as a gong.

Unclear is the purpose
And in what time or space.
The journey without, though,
I cannot face.

Affliction or blessing?
With my head it is messing.

Heart and body not exempt
With lust and romance
The hells do tempt.
Take a chance, c’mon let’s dance.
Dear God, shake me from this trance.

Sometimes from a distance I can see
What a desperate mess our lives would be.

Two alike, but not in sync
Your ebb, my flow
Together never would we go.
This much I know.
(I think)

I need a rock, solid and sure
Roots of stone hold deep and secure.
Upon which to batter,
To spray, to leap, and to scatter.

And when the storm subsides
Into its nooks and crannies I can hide.
Slowly to trickle and pool again
To be held gently, from within.

And yet,
My soul, my soul
It is sure.
The path we’re on
Is true and pure.

Sometime later to be revealed.
Maybe through this we can be healed.

Retreat! December 21, 2009

Seeking to exist

In the hearts of others

Fathers, Mothers
Brothers, Lovers

Can’t you see me?
Open and free
Maybe you don’t? or won’t?
Or do and flee.

Crushed and small
I build up the wall
of shattered hopes
and broken dreams.
I wrap myself around the seams.

Inside it’s safe and very sure
By myself I will endure
Needing no one
That’s the cure.

Occasionally, beset by yearning
I forget all of the learning
Reaching out to broken souls
I recognize all of your holes.

Passion sparks, eager for the call
Deep into your abyss I fall
I aim to change
And fill it all.

Retreat! Retreat!
Why all this bleeding?
The warning bells I wasn’t heeding.
The needs I swore to not be needing.

Real or imagined
never matters.
Wounds re-open,
pain batters.

Looking about to cast the blame.
A life that’s made up of remains,
Or God for longing I cannot tame.