I Was There For You April 20, 2010

One afternoon
Weary and rue
Not quite sick
with not quite the flu
A call came in
quite out of the blue
A miracle
I was there for you.

The sweetest sentiments
I long wished to hear
Sailed a beam of light
from your mouth to my ears.
Forever to be held
in my heart, my dear.

You said I want you to know
that I’ll always be here.
Your smallest worries
I pray to clear.
I wanted to be with you
all these years.

And my spirit was as happy
as a child of three
Giggling and laughing
perched upon your knee.
Face full of joy
as you hold onto me.

Past the lump in my throat
And the tears that I’ve cried
The truth wrenched free
from the silencing lies.
Taking a leap
I let it fly.

I’m so glad
I said it, too.
These words I’ve held
so long for you
Enter my life.
I love you.

Sweet Falsities April 19, 2010

Mouth full of rotting teeth
hidden from my mind
way in the back
and along the gum line.

Black and grey
the rotten decay
alongside fillings
from yesterday.

With such care
I thought I’d been cleaning
Protecting myself
from seductive leanings.

With sweet falsities
have I been cheating?
Or weak teeth
have done the eating?

Threads April 18, 2010

In the brief moment
of in between
I can see with clarity
the whole of my dream.
Then quickly it unravels
and returns to the place
from which it travels.

Reaching way back
into the murky depths
Trying to grasp
the fragile threads.

I get little pieces
more often than not
With frayed ends
and impossible knots.

Handing the pieces
to gifted friends
Watching their fingers
while they mend
Not sure what it will be
in the end.

Weaving the pieces
into the tapestry
Though usually from the back
is the view I see.

All messy and disjointed
Loose ends hanging down.
It looks so ugly
and chaos abounds.

But, oh! The joy
When I turn it around!

The most beautiful vision
fills my sight.
The richness, the harmony
breathtakingly right.

I can’t wait
for it to be night.

When angels visit me
in my dreams
and leave more thread
to add to the scene.

Inside Out April 8, 2010

A vortex of thoughts
spin my mind into a mess
and twist my insides up
A whirling state of distress.

Has my skin grown thinner
No protection from foes
Each shot makes it mark
filling me with holes.

Maybe I’m so consumed
by my own little world
Every word spoken
seems directly at me hurled.

Have I decided
to no longer duck and dodge
Allowing any far flung arrow
to in deep lodge.

I used to find it easier
to clearly define
what’s your stuff
and what is mine.

But as I unearth
who I really am
I feel inside out
And often rammed.

Life on the surface
is a smoother ride
Than the inner terrain
where nothing easy glides.

An unstoppable Force, though
Draws my spirit out
To emerge from my ruins
with a victorious shout!

A Pan Full of Light April 5, 2010

Sifting through the sands of time
Panhandling for golden moments
Really? This is it?
A few shinning nuggets among the sediments?

But maybe if I let go
of my preconceived notions
Of what is gold
and what is just commotion
Or lumps of coal
from life’s misfortunes.

Might there be
with a touch of the Stone
The richest riches
man has ever known?

The depths within me
and without
Would unite together
banishing doubt.

With new eyes opened
I could wash away the silt
And see a Heaven on earth
that surely can be built.

Words of wisdom
fused with love
Might delight my soul
and move my body as a dove.

And in the final battle
If all went right
I’d see God everywhere
And my pan full of Light.

A Puzzle April 2, 2010

A puzzle your words
they are to me.
Often the same
yet still a mystery.

I’ve picked into colorful pieces
all of our conversations
spending hours with jagged bits
lost in ruminations.

And the big pictures
I’m apt to miss
if I continue to focus
on the fragments like this.

So I spread them on the table
under good light
I bend in concentration
and work to fit them right.

I always start with the frame
but this puzzle has no boundaries
I can’t neatly box it in
With straight edges, smooth and soundly.

There is no lid
to show what I’m trying to make
With so many possibilities
my head begins to ache.

Just tell me what you mean
It’s too hard to make it fit
I’ve studied all night
And I’m ready to quit.

With infinite patience
and kindness to spare
You lay it all out for me
Tidy and square.

Of course, I don’t like the picture
Which is why I couldn’t see
the truths I’m not ready
to have set me free.

One piece at a time
I pull it apart
Arguing each point
I know by heart.

Though now that I’ve viewed it
I can’t erase the scene
I feel change happening slowly
deep inside of me.

The Onion April 1, 2010

Long, long ago
While lost in my garden
A bit of white showed
Where the earth had hardened.

I picked at the dirt
And was surprised to find
An onion had grown there
Apparently mine.

Peeling the onion
Made me cry and hurt
So I buried it again
And ran from the earth.

But life follows a path
That seems to spiral and wind
And it leads me back to the garden
To my onion to find.

Many times when I’ve been there
I have felt so strong
And I’ve dug and I’ve peeled
Until I was sure it was gone.

But my garden must be perfect
For that onion to grow
Because every time I return there
It’s back in the hole.

And there’s the innermost layer
That always I see
The part I set aside
And just let it be.

What would happen
If I went down that path
And peeled apart the heart
Of that onion at last?

I think I just might die
Or at least that’s my fear
Maybe that keeps my onion
In my garden, near and dear.

Without the onion,
Who would I be?
My whole life out of whack
Or finally free?

The truth I don’t think
I ever will know
It sounds so impossible
To just make it go.

As much as it hurts
The prick, burn, and tears
I have held this onion
For all these years.

I’ll keep peeling the layers
A little at a time
But the heart of the onion
Wants to always be mine.